Kyrgyzstan Map

Kyrgyzstan Map

WAITING FOR NOODLE

Lilypie Waiting to adopt Ticker

Sunday, February 15, 2009

A Change of State of Mind

8 months worth of daily worry and deep seeded heartache have taken a toll on me. What most of the people around me do not know is what I have allowed to happen to myself. Especially since my return from Kyrgyzstan in December. My life, my world has pretty much screeched to a halt. Every waking moment has been spent in a deep seeded worry and concern. I have stopped training my dogs stopped doing almost everything. I live mostly day to day in front of my computer just waiting for THE news to break. Every day leads to a bit more depression. I have written letters to everyone I can possibly think of. I have joined with the 60 plus others in raising the awareness of Kyrgyzstan's stalled adoptions. Those efforts have been rewarded positively. We do have the attention in our government. But OUR government is just as powerless as we all are. Every week I have felt I can't go on one more week. And then another week comes and goes and still NOthinG. I thought I hit rock bottom several times. And yet I still find the ability to put on a happy face when I leave the confines of my house. I can still tell everyone I have no news about when we can bring Miss Noodle home with a shrug and a we just have to wait and see. But I have come to a realization I can't do this anymore. I have to move on, let go of something that is not in my control. I did not do this on my own. It took the advice from a PAP and AP who has already been through this and who is going through an adoption that she has been waiting 2 YEARS to complete and still waiting. I have linked to Cyni in a recent post. And I am linking back to her again. This is a wonderfully strong woman and I admire and respect her courage, faith, and strength. The following link is the full open letter to those of us waiting to complete our adoption from Kyrgyzstan. http://lajoyfamily.blogspot.com/2009/02/open-letter-to-kyrgyzstan-adoptive.html I have found strength and hope as well as a candid truth that I may not want to think about (But rest assured it has crossed my mind) in some of her words. But the truth is living in "limboland" is painful, heartbreaking, heartwrenching and full of unknowns. I have done everything I can humanly, physically and emotionally do to advocate for the homecoming of my daughter. Now I must give over the rest to GOD. Not to say I will not still make some phone calls, and I hope to have a meeting Tuesday to get another ally on our side. But my daily Hourly, Minute to minute limbo and thoughts of Miss Noodle and her homecoming I give over to My higher power. My higher power is GOD, my guardian angels, Noodles angels, my grandparents who live in heaven... They have control and the power. Not me. Thank you Cyndi for the words that I will continue daily to reflect on. Thank you to all the other PAP's and to the other AP who are our support people, and to all my familiy and friends. We will get Noodle home... I just know it...

6 comments:

Corinne said...

Oh Ann, my heart hurts for you so much! You have done so much in the cause to help Little Noodle come home and pray very hard everyones effort will be rewarded and these little ones can come home. Try to keep the faith Ann! Miracles can an DO happen! Hugs to you!

Paige said...

Your little Noodle WILL come home, just a matter of "when", not "if". One day, we will all look back and have a better understanding of why we went through what we did--as we enjoy our children. Surrendering, like you are, is the ultimate act of faith in God and I really look up to you for that. Keep training your dogs! I will think of you while I am walking me three!

Hilary Marquis said...

She IS coming home! God IS going to use this for His glory. In the mean time, you do whatever you need to to get through. Yell, scream, sing, cry, laugh, throw a fit, dance, EAT :)and then call me and I'll join you!

Kimberly said...

I'm right there with you Ann! Thank you for your candid words and your vulnerability! Know that you are not alone and I am always just a phone call away!
Kimberly

Christina said...

I completely agree with your thoughts. All of us waiting understand and right now we just have to be there for each other and pray that things work out. All we can do at this time is pray.

Mary from TN said...

Praying with all my might in TN Ann that we will soon bring our son and your daughter home. This has been a long tough ride.